Saturday, November 21, 2009

It's recommended that I spend at least an hour to two hours a week updating this site. And I spend one day every two weeks at least. But it's intentional because I don't want the content I've written previously to get lost in the mix, esp. the second post detailing the background of Disassociation. Yet at the same time I don't want to keep things too stale either.

I've erased a lot of posts because they detail my frustrations with being alone and the distant opposite sex. I can't leave those posts up for long.

So...I'm going insane from not being in a relationship and not having the side of me which values romance being requited. I can't stand the idea that the more you care about a woman, the less she'll care about you. I can't handle the coded ways in which women respond to my company. I can't deal with feeling inferior because I'm not over six feet tall, don't know a lot about cars, don't have a lot of money, don't follow the newest trends, considered a pretty boy. I don't want to believe in the idea that no one wants me to succeed because no one cares.

And more than ever, I don't want to believe that when I write things like this, they only serve to push me further into a corner that I don't want to be pushed into.

Even if no one cares, at least I can care about myself and achieve the goals I've wanted to achieve.
But I can't lie to myself and say that I'm perfectly happy being alone, and I don't care about what other people think because I'm not like that. The question of whether this is a strength or a weakness is a very personal and complex one to ask.

I know this is very basic writing, and it doesn't reflect the extent of my knowledge.


  1. The yearn for human interaction is natural. Those who say they do not want to be in a relationship are lying to themselve b/c everyone pines for human contact. I think that people that are capable of being alone are fortunate because there are those who are ovecome with trepidation at the thought solitude. These people are the ones that constantly wear a mask and pantomime. Never knowing who they really are.

  2. I've never been afraid of solitude, it's what I've been living in for the vast majority of my life and especially for the past three and a half years ever since I moved out by myself.

    A point of major stress, a lot of stress, is how I sometimes think I've gotten so used to being alone that I won't be able to live any other way. But realistically I view this as something I can overcome.

    Many authors will assert the idea that loneliness is key in the writing process, and history has shown this to be the case. And Anonymous, your comment reminds me of the same train of thought I had when first studying Jugian psychology (thanks for the comment, by the way).
    I never thought that solitude demanded a complete lack of a partner, and I still don't think that way now. I believe time alone is crucial to writing but not to the extent that I can't have a partner, and in the coming years a family as well.
    It reminds me of what Francis Bacon wrote about people by themselves who donate their time for helping humanity instead of being around other people and helping said others. I respect his work but I don't think it's that simple, and it shouldn't be...

  3. When you get into a relationship with a woman, you'll soon want out/to be alone more.

    The problem stems from influential sources of information exploiting your natural inclination to want to be around a woman, and when most of these modern women are selfish, callous creatures.

    Where do you think your own mostly truthful words: "I can't stand the idea that the more you care about a woman, the less she'll care about you." come from? If they were logical and honest beings, that immature, though widely common, little charade wouldn't even exist.

    Think about it seriously for a second. The MORE a man shows that he cares, the LESS most women will return the feeling. So this portion of women essentially crave liars and men who don't care about them.

    You'll learn soon enough, if you haven't already. I've had many, many relationships and it's always true - no matter where the woman is from.