Nabokov and deceit.

Reading Nabokov's Lectures on Literature led me to come across his claim that authors must be experts of deceit - he argues that nature is deceitful and authors follow in nature's footsteps.

But I don't want to deceive people when I write simply because I'm not that kind of person. If you're willingly deceitful, is that a positive quality to have? When I published Disassociation I included a note at the beginnng stating that none of the events within the plot occurred in my real life and that it was all fiction. People have read it and believed that the story was based on my own life regardless of the note I left, which isn't the case. I never had two best friends who were violent and dangerous, I never went to Juvenile Detention and I never moved to Montreal by myself. I'll admit that it's somewhat flattering to hear people say they believe the plot actually happened - I was glad I wrote it realistically enough for that to happen.

But I never led them on. I never tried to deceive them and say that it really did happen, like other authors who've sadly gained attention and adulation for doing so which is completely idiotic. I came across a similar quote in Neil Gaiman's work of all people which stated that "Writers are liars."
I can't fit myself into these expectations. Sometimes it feels like authors say these things to atone for their own transgressions/guilt, but I'm not saying that's the case here. I just want to write and not try to fit into any expectations.
Not caring about what other people think, doing what feels most comfortable to me.

Yet when I consider Nabokov's intelligence...his reputation...his influence...it just puts pressure on me when I try to dismiss his expectations of deceit. Is the power of his wisdom/influence more important than my resolve not to fall into his pattern? Henry Miller once wrote in a letter to Anaïs Nin that he believed he was a great man. I don't have that level of self-esteem, should I? I consider that being egotistical. But sometimes it feels like I need that level of self-assurance in order to maintain my beliefs.

I believe in autonomy, that an author's own morals and deeds influence the way I regard their work. Some people would argue that their work stands independent of their own life but being a writer myself I can't agree with that. If I was violent towards people, abused women, abused my parents, was wasteful and conniving and hypocritical yet wrote well-crafted work could you really value my work considering how little of a real man I was? If my work was a way to make amends for my behaviour and to dispel my pent-up anger and angst, is that justifiable grounds for being destructive to everyone around me?
This ties into the argument people make that "Well, his work is so good that it's okay for him to act disrespectful to people around him" (thinking of Christian Bök here). I don't really believe that. In a previous post I discussed Jorge Luis Borges' view that people don't have the soul of a writer; they only view writing as a craft to be learned and practiced, and I think that applies here.

I think an author should be humble and have positive values for their work to be respected. That's not to say that they should write bland repetitive material, nor that they should act holier-than-thou, but they should be someone whom others can respect. Can you respect someone who's purposefully deceitful?

Early fall.

Back when I was thirteen, this song meant a lot to me.

The G20 Protests / Literary Readings / August in Photos.

I was present at the G20 protests that were held here in Toronto due to the summit. I saw a lot of odd occurrences and filmed a march. In the third photo, the police suddenly surged forward and we all moved back. It was hard to document anything through photography without feeling like it was in the interest of sensationalism. Maybe the whole ordeal was in the vein of sensationalism.





During that same weekend I did two readings of poetry in Toronto, at the Sweet Tooth Cafe in the first photo and at Central restaurant for the Plasticine Poetry series.


I rented a car for the first time and drove by myself for 11 hours to Long Island, New York just to get away and see a new place. The drive into the island, going through the peaks and valleys of New York farmland at early dusk, was one of the most tranquil experiences I've had in a long time. It almost made me forget how I was detained at the border, with guards telling me lies about how I couldn't take a rented car over the border in order to satisfy their racial profiling.

I visited a skateshop called Poets (named so b/c of Poet's Corner, although I'd like to believe they appreciate literature as well) which is run by one of my favourite skateboarders Gino Iannucci and his friend Matt Bell, who was very hospitable. This photo is of their 2-year anniversary party which I attended for a little bit. It was fun, but it's hard going to parties by myself and not knowing anyone there either. Everyone there was cool though. I wanted to meet Gino but he wasn't there - maybe another time. Their website's here.



And I saw Lou Barlow play live last night at the Horseshoe Tavern. The second photo is of him and the Missingmen playing an amazing fast-paced version of Home.
I met Lou. It was completely incidental. I went downstairs and there he was. I don't admire a lot of people - I don't fan out over celebrities - but his lyrics/music have been influential to me. I asked him for a photo and he politely said yes. I have the photo on my camera, but it's valuable - I don't know how internet copyright goes, so it'll have to stay there.

Leen Sleiman, one of the contestants for Miss Lebanon. Like myself she's majoring in English literature.


Marisa Berenson.



I've never been that shallow about a woman's looks. A woman with freckles shouldn't be ashamed of her features. I feel the same way about arm hair, but if it's thicker than mine... .


Back in the mid-90's I first heard the name Silken Laumann, a Canadian Olympic gold medalist for rowing, for the first time. It sounded so mysterious back then. It's still one of the most striking names I've heard.


Eva Green. The Dreamers was a tour-de-force because of her.

But even with these photos, some of the most numinous women I've ever seen I know personally.

The natural author.

I recently read a quote from Jorge Luis Borges wherein he mentioned his distaste for meeting fellow well-renowned authors whose conversations consisted of unappealing and base topics like 'smutty stories', and unintellectual discussion. He argued that they didn't seem like real authors and instead viewed writing as a craft, a technical skill they learned. It seems to me that he would believe they write for a living.

His discussion of this type of social behaviour somewhat echoes the feeling I have whenever I post anything on this website. Can I really be an author of any merit if I'm posting up pictures of motorcycles and funny videos to accompany them? "That's what adolescents and teenagers do on their walls." Not what ambitious authors (too much alliteration) spend their time on, I would think most of the literati believe.

At least I'm not posting videos of myself in the bathroom in the vein of peep culture, if that's the right term.

And I keep hearing it: this technology will destroy us. I was at the Trillium Book Prize presentation here in Toronto last Tuesday and the speaker, an anchor for the news, mentioned how Twitter and Facebook and the Internet in general is destroying creativity. That's the word she used - destroying.
I looked around - it was mainly older people in the audience whom I didn't think were steeped in technology as much as my generation - and it felt as though the anchor was appealing to the older crowd by persuading them that younger generations would never have the amount of potential and creativity that they have. Through her words the anchor was reassuring the audience that their aspirations in Canadian literature were safe against the pressure of youth. It was a source of discouragement as I left the ceremony - I knew that in part, the anchor could have mentioned what she did b/c she wanted to challenge and rile up the younger crowd present, but that didn't seem to be what was supposed to be gleaned... .

And I know that seems to be biased, almost angry thinking on my part, but this comes back to what I'll always believe - the fact that I'm a part of movements in increased technology doesn't mean I've lost anything. If anyone thought that the writing on this website showcased the extent of my skill and was a premonition for my actual published/disseminated work, they'd be mistaken. This is simple internet writing. Although it's associated with my name and shown to the world, it's still just the Internet. And although what I've posted may seem as if I'd share a smutty story with Borges if he were still here and receptive of my company, even if I didn't see that quote I'd know who I was dealing with and what was proper.

I would never post my actual work on this website because of copyright issues with this server and other people stealing my material. Real authors don't share their work until it's done. I've made the mistake of mentioning the smallest and broadest aspects of my work and I've never felt good afterwards.

There's time.

The Triumph Rocket III. The fact that Triumph created the video below to showcase its manufacturing process doesn't hurt its rep.

Ibsen.

I'm writing a study of Henrik Ibsen's Ghosts, in comparison to Le Fanu's In a Glass Darkly.

I like Ghosts, it's intelligent and accessible. I won't reiterate all the points of my study though.
I'd rather talk about more superficial (?) points such as his facial hair. What came to my mind was James Joyce's goatee. It was surprising to learn that Joyce wrote a poem about Ghosts and used it in his own work.
Maybe I should have a facial hair style. But by that token, maybe I should wear white evening dress suits like Tom Wolfe and Marshall McLuhan. And take a walk at an exact certain time every day like Immanuel Kant. Obviously I'm kidding, but who knows. There's a quote I came across in an issue of Contemporary Verse: "I like it better when artists look like artists." An undercurrent of thought - do I need to adopt a certain style or practice in order to seem like a progressive creative force?

Of course not.

Aimee Mann.

I was introduced to Aimee Mann when I first watched Magnolia years ago. I bought the soundtrack based on her songs.
It's embarrassing to say but her songs were a comfort to me. She seemed to take the side of the lonely man, and it was reassuring to listen to her music every once in awhile. Not a lot of female artists I've encountered take that side as clearly as she has.

This isn't turning into a music forum, and I'm not trying to wallow in self-pity with these sad songs.

Just read in the textbook Mass Communication in Canada: Sixth Edition that "...Television creates couch potatoes. Radio causes us to imagine. Books make us think and separate us from social interaction. Magazines involve."

I think it's justifiable to say that these sentences are overly classifying. Take the comment on books. Reading a book separates us from socially interacting with other people? Hmm. I remember reading an article in a small library newspaper years back about how books can serve as 'friends for the lonely'. So with these two standpoints in mind, books simultaneously draw us away from other people and comfort us when we walk away from them. The key is to listen to the radio and read magazines for optimal mental/social stability.
Because as we all know, nothing stimulates the imagination more than radio DJs and the commercials they play.
And nothing involves us with the global village on a meaningful level more than magazines with tons of advertisements and articles reissuing the same ideas repeatedly.

But you know...keeping people interested in something calls for a level of controversy (in certain cases) and I suppose the authors of the textbook wanted to provoke conversation.
And I realize that by pointing out the discomforting conventions of radio and magazines doesn't let me expound on the ones that are doing it right (for example some university radio stations and Adbusters magazine).
And I know I'm not the most social person right now but that's due to moving to Toronto and not really knowing anyone who lives here. The same author stereotype which I don't conform to keeps persisting at a time when I don't need unneccessary stress from people's unfounded views. What's ironic is that later in the textbook on the subject of news stories, it's mentioned how news reports often don't contain the entire story and as a result it shrinks our thinking down to binary opposites and simplistic viewpoints of others. Like the classifications of different audiences for different communication mediums doesn't?
But that's what happens when you play with fire - you get burned, yet you create sparks.

Besides, if I took the textbook's intentions to heart and started listening to the radio (at least the popular channels) I doubt I'd hear uplifting music like this.

I couldn't care less about whatever ramifications stem from affiliating this song with my name. Typecasted, dismissed...o the sad artist. It's a simple, sublime song. The video has style, but it's marred by Berry's mysterious-looking gestures. I always hear this song with a deep bass sound (in the style of the BG refrain) when notes are played at the beginning, instead of the more upbeat sound.

I've been caught in the thick of schoolwork, but should have more involved content soon.

Oxygene 8, the collaboration between Vangelis and Jean-Michel Jarré, is one of my favourite songs to this date. The video made for it, although crisp, doesn't illustrate what the song means to me. This remake sounds much better than the original.

The album Oxygene was released in 1976, ahead of its time. I own it, and the song that I chose to post is one of the shorter yet most powerful tracks. You might think, with the song's sound and the album cover, that it's reminiscent of horror movies but I didn't find that comparison until other people mentioned it. It's just originality, precision, power and beauty... .

Neon lights.

Vangelis. This piece of music can't be forgotten.